Well. It’s been almost three weeks. I spent some time with friends. I still think about her every waking moment of the day. I traveled to one of the sexiest (opinion) cities in the south US; a place where anybody wanting to get someone out of their system could find the right “distraction” to help them forget. The city has tons of venues, it’s mysterious and people go there to have a good time....and still, I found myself sitting in a hotel room most of the time. Why? Because my heart and mind are still loyal to her. I can’t even fathom being with another. Nor did I consider it. Not even once. She’s my one.
Its dfunny because i heard a song today and it really stayed in my mind all day. I’m hesitant to post it because it’s an old song and one of the reasons she didn’t want to be with me was because of our 12 year age difference. She thought I was too old. At any rate; here it is: (more below)
In all fairness; and I’ll blog more about it this weekend; it wasn’t all her. She’s not a bad person at all. The fact is — that I wasn’t always a good boyfriend. I had my part in this break up also. She was honest up front that she didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. Somehow we ended up there and I guess I thought I had changed her heart. There were sooo many clues along the way that she wasn’t into me but so many more that told me she was. I clung to the good things. It, however, wasn’t enough. If I could only turn back the clock. I dream almost every night some scenario where she calls me and truly expresses with words that she misses me and realizes that we deserve each other. That she’s better with me than without me. That she wants me in her world. Unfortunately; I wake up and realize that she’s moved on. To someone that she believes is better for her than I.